Loved you yesterday,
Love you still,
Always have, Always will


Damaged people are dangerous...they know they can survive

When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace ~Jimi Hendrix

Let us reach for the world that ought to be. We can understand that there will be war, and still strive for peace. ~President Obama

The aim of life is to live, and to live means to be aware...joyously, drunkenly, serenely, divinely aware." -Henry Miller

"Truth is everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for."
-Bob Marley



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Lilypie Premature Baby tickers

Friday, August 5, 2011

Ryder Richard Culligan

My baby love was born on July 6, 2011 at 3:24 a.m. weighing in at 4 lbs 8 oz. He was just a little guy which was nice for me, but a bit scary at first. He was perfectly fine and I will never, ever forget anything about that night. Amazing doesn't even begin to describe it.

First off...I had him at home. It was planned, yes. People think I'm nutty, yes. But it's what I wanted and what I felt comfortable with so that's how I did it.

My due date was July 28. Didn't quite make it there.

I started having contractions at almost exactly 8 am on July 5. It seemed the second I sat down at my desk, they started. They started at 7 minutes apart and weren't really a big deal pain wise. They stayed that way until about 7 or 8 that night. Then they slowly got more intense.

More and more and more intense.

I stayed at work all day. Went to my school (I had already started my leave) and got lasered. Met Kevin for dinner, breathing through contractions the whole time. Then we went to Kevin's softball game at 9.

And then they started to get worse.

By the time the game was over, I was almost not able to just quietly breathe through them. I got out of there just in time. I drove home and started getting a bath ready. I let my midwife know what was going on. She told me to take my bath and then try to get some sleep. If I couldn't sleep through them, to let her know and she would come down.

That was at 10:37

I got in the tub and was in there for about 15 minutes, but our tub isn't very big and my only option was on my back. Wasn't gonna fly.

I got out and got ready for bed. That's when the contractions got bad. I was able to lay on my side for a big and groan through them. Then I couldn't lay down anymore.

I got out of bed and was leaning over it, rocking back and forth. That helped quite a bit. Poor Kevin wasn't allowed to talk to me during them. He was only able to hold my one hand or he got smacked. I felt bad for him...then another contraction came and I got over it.

Finally, at 1:45 Kevin quit listening to me and called my midwife. He let her know that we hadn't slept at all and that the contractions were 2 minutes apart and pretty intense. She said she was on her way...

She lives in bountiful and we live in american fork...do the math.

All throughout the 2 am hour, I was getting more and more nauseous with each contraction an just kept saying "I don't want to throw up" over and over. At about 2:45, that didn't work anymore and told Kevin to get me something. The closest thing was the garbage can in the bathroom and he barely got it to me in time.

I knew that throwing up means your transitioning to the actual birth and then I started freaking out because Camille wasn't here yet. Kev called her again at 2:55 and she said she was just getting off the freeway.

While that phone call was happening, I started pushing. That whole "need to push" thing is real. I had no control, it was happening. I had moved from leaning on the bed to the floor on all fours because that's where I landed when I was throwing up.

At 3:05, Kevin went to help Camille and her assistant get their things into the house and I was on the floor, pushing, by myself. When Camille came in the front room I heard her say, "That sounds like pushing to me!"

I groaned at that comment and told them to come back. I needed Kevin more than anything, and he wasn't in there at the moment.

Camille came in the room, and realized that I really was pushing, not just making noise. She grabbed my shoulders and told me that I had to take deep breaths between pushing so that the baby was getting enough oxygen. Before that I was just kind of freaking out so my breathing was a little crazy.

I took deep breaths, and pushed. Deep breath, push. Deep breath and push.

I could feel the baby coming down with each push, which is actually my favorite part of him being born. At first, I was kind of afraid to push all the way because that meant his head coming out. And all that meant was pain. I was holding back a bit in the beginning.

Then I had a little chat with myself and said that the only way this was gonna be over was to just do it.

2 more pushes and he was out.

Camille handed him to Kevin through my legs (I was still on my hands and knees)...and here is the craziest part.

He was born in his sack. Meaning my water never broke. More on that later.

He wasn't moving or breathing, but because he was still in the sack so he didn't need to be. Camille got it off his face, and at exactly one minute old he started screaming.

Camille wrapped him in a towel and handed him to me. Kevin leaned over to us and kissed me on the forehead. And Ryder opened his gigantic eyes and looked up at us.



I have never been so happy in my whole life. Words can't even begin to explain the emotion that was happening.

Camille and Kimberly got me up onto my bed and got us comfortable. We didn't cut the cord for almost an hour. The three of us were just laying on the bed, in awe of each other.

Then Kevin cut the cord and cuddled his baby boy while I delivered the placenta and got cleaned up.

I got back in my bed and Camille and Kimberly cleaned up everything. They started some laundry and got me some food. Kimberly actually had to run to the store to get quite a few things because we had nothing. We weren't expecting a baby just yet.

And then, just as quickly as everything started, it was over. Camille and Kimberly got their stuff and left at about 5:30 or 6. And our new little family was left alone to get to know each other.

Kevin passed out rather quickly because he had some hard days and very little sleep leading up to this. I was on the phone with people and was cuddling the new love of my life.



I had originally planned to have a water birth but because he was three weeks early, I didn't have the tub yet. And because he came so quickly, we didn't have time to set it up when Camille got there. But, I wouldn't change a thing about how it happened. It was so perfect.

Now, babies who are born in their sack (its called 'born in the caul') are said to be extra lucky, extra intuitive, and almost supernatural. There is also some crazy stuff floating around about these babies not being able to die by drowning...I don't think I'll test that theory but I guess it's nice to know. And I guess we'll see how lucky he really is.