Loved you yesterday,
Love you still,
Always have, Always will

Damaged people are dangerous...they know they can survive

When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace ~Jimi Hendrix

Let us reach for the world that ought to be. We can understand that there will be war, and still strive for peace. ~President Obama

The aim of life is to live, and to live means to be aware...joyously, drunkenly, serenely, divinely aware." -Henry Miller

"Truth is everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for."
-Bob Marley


Lilypie Premature Baby tickers

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

I'm Still Here!

I'm sorry I'm so terrible at this all of the sudden.

I don't mean to be...please forgive me!

I will say though, I don't really have a whole lot going on. I've really just been doing the whole life thing, ya know?

Work, school, kid.

But there is one something that is quite amazing...

I finished school!!!!!

Last week was my last day at school, I passed my practical test yesterday, and now I just have to get through my written test and we will be golden!!!

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Back to It

So here we are...2 months, 3 weeks, and 1 day later.
I feel like I'm getting into the swing of things. I'm back to work now (for 3 whole days), and I feel like all in all it was good time off.

Since Ryder was born, we have had quite an adventure. Here's some pictures to keep you interested.

(they are pretty much ALL phone pictures, so please excuse the quality)

We've had:

Cousin Visits

That is my then 4 month old nephew Carson and Ryder at about 2 days old

Trey and Ryder

Treyton just turned 10 on Sunday...Happy Birthday!

A finally finished nursery!

A trip to the hospital
Me and Ryder were at the hospital for 5 days. He had a UTI and wasn't gaining weight because of it so he had to go and get better. It was the most heartbreaking thing I've ever had to deal with. And I mean that.

A photo shoot

Gang Signs

A smilin' fool

Once he realized how, he didn't stop!

2 month shots

Exhausting days

More Smiles


I used to just have him in the shower with me and he loved it, I'm not sure what he thinks about the actual tub.

For the most part, things are good. I'm still trying to get myself in order. Slowly, but its coming along.

I promise to be better now. And hopefully not only have phone pictures to post!

Friday, August 5, 2011

Ryder Richard Culligan

My baby love was born on July 6, 2011 at 3:24 a.m. weighing in at 4 lbs 8 oz. He was just a little guy which was nice for me, but a bit scary at first. He was perfectly fine and I will never, ever forget anything about that night. Amazing doesn't even begin to describe it.

First off...I had him at home. It was planned, yes. People think I'm nutty, yes. But it's what I wanted and what I felt comfortable with so that's how I did it.

My due date was July 28. Didn't quite make it there.

I started having contractions at almost exactly 8 am on July 5. It seemed the second I sat down at my desk, they started. They started at 7 minutes apart and weren't really a big deal pain wise. They stayed that way until about 7 or 8 that night. Then they slowly got more intense.

More and more and more intense.

I stayed at work all day. Went to my school (I had already started my leave) and got lasered. Met Kevin for dinner, breathing through contractions the whole time. Then we went to Kevin's softball game at 9.

And then they started to get worse.

By the time the game was over, I was almost not able to just quietly breathe through them. I got out of there just in time. I drove home and started getting a bath ready. I let my midwife know what was going on. She told me to take my bath and then try to get some sleep. If I couldn't sleep through them, to let her know and she would come down.

That was at 10:37

I got in the tub and was in there for about 15 minutes, but our tub isn't very big and my only option was on my back. Wasn't gonna fly.

I got out and got ready for bed. That's when the contractions got bad. I was able to lay on my side for a big and groan through them. Then I couldn't lay down anymore.

I got out of bed and was leaning over it, rocking back and forth. That helped quite a bit. Poor Kevin wasn't allowed to talk to me during them. He was only able to hold my one hand or he got smacked. I felt bad for him...then another contraction came and I got over it.

Finally, at 1:45 Kevin quit listening to me and called my midwife. He let her know that we hadn't slept at all and that the contractions were 2 minutes apart and pretty intense. She said she was on her way...

She lives in bountiful and we live in american the math.

All throughout the 2 am hour, I was getting more and more nauseous with each contraction an just kept saying "I don't want to throw up" over and over. At about 2:45, that didn't work anymore and told Kevin to get me something. The closest thing was the garbage can in the bathroom and he barely got it to me in time.

I knew that throwing up means your transitioning to the actual birth and then I started freaking out because Camille wasn't here yet. Kev called her again at 2:55 and she said she was just getting off the freeway.

While that phone call was happening, I started pushing. That whole "need to push" thing is real. I had no control, it was happening. I had moved from leaning on the bed to the floor on all fours because that's where I landed when I was throwing up.

At 3:05, Kevin went to help Camille and her assistant get their things into the house and I was on the floor, pushing, by myself. When Camille came in the front room I heard her say, "That sounds like pushing to me!"

I groaned at that comment and told them to come back. I needed Kevin more than anything, and he wasn't in there at the moment.

Camille came in the room, and realized that I really was pushing, not just making noise. She grabbed my shoulders and told me that I had to take deep breaths between pushing so that the baby was getting enough oxygen. Before that I was just kind of freaking out so my breathing was a little crazy.

I took deep breaths, and pushed. Deep breath, push. Deep breath and push.

I could feel the baby coming down with each push, which is actually my favorite part of him being born. At first, I was kind of afraid to push all the way because that meant his head coming out. And all that meant was pain. I was holding back a bit in the beginning.

Then I had a little chat with myself and said that the only way this was gonna be over was to just do it.

2 more pushes and he was out.

Camille handed him to Kevin through my legs (I was still on my hands and knees)...and here is the craziest part.

He was born in his sack. Meaning my water never broke. More on that later.

He wasn't moving or breathing, but because he was still in the sack so he didn't need to be. Camille got it off his face, and at exactly one minute old he started screaming.

Camille wrapped him in a towel and handed him to me. Kevin leaned over to us and kissed me on the forehead. And Ryder opened his gigantic eyes and looked up at us.

I have never been so happy in my whole life. Words can't even begin to explain the emotion that was happening.

Camille and Kimberly got me up onto my bed and got us comfortable. We didn't cut the cord for almost an hour. The three of us were just laying on the bed, in awe of each other.

Then Kevin cut the cord and cuddled his baby boy while I delivered the placenta and got cleaned up.

I got back in my bed and Camille and Kimberly cleaned up everything. They started some laundry and got me some food. Kimberly actually had to run to the store to get quite a few things because we had nothing. We weren't expecting a baby just yet.

And then, just as quickly as everything started, it was over. Camille and Kimberly got their stuff and left at about 5:30 or 6. And our new little family was left alone to get to know each other.

Kevin passed out rather quickly because he had some hard days and very little sleep leading up to this. I was on the phone with people and was cuddling the new love of my life.

I had originally planned to have a water birth but because he was three weeks early, I didn't have the tub yet. And because he came so quickly, we didn't have time to set it up when Camille got there. But, I wouldn't change a thing about how it happened. It was so perfect.

Now, babies who are born in their sack (its called 'born in the caul') are said to be extra lucky, extra intuitive, and almost supernatural. There is also some crazy stuff floating around about these babies not being able to die by drowning...I don't think I'll test that theory but I guess it's nice to know. And I guess we'll see how lucky he really is.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

A Few Things**Updated

First of all...

34 weeks today!!!

Anyone else shocked by that?? I know I am!

I don't have a picture at this exact moment, but will put one up...probably tomorrow. But just be warned...its CrAzy!

It's been awhile, I'm so sorry. Nothing too amazing has been happening up until this last week so I haven't really had a whole lot to talk about.

Now, lets jump back to last Wednesday.

I'm sitting at work, feeling normal. Then I start to get uncomfortable sitting at my desk. Then things start to get painful. Like bad.

I felt like my right hip was pinching something against my ribs. And no matter how I moved or stood or whatever, it wouldn't go away. I tried to just deal, thinking it's just my stupid back that hurts anyway, it just hurts worse today.

Then it turned into, I can't really breathe because this is hurting so bad. So I finally went home at about 11 thinking I would take a bath and get my heating pad on it and I would be fine.

Not. So. Much.

I was in the bath for a total of 7 minutes before I couldn't sit there anymore. It felt like there was a knot in my back that I couldn't rub out and sitting made it get squished, I'm assuming, and it hurt!!

I laid in my bed for awhile, laying on my left side hurt because my belly pulled on that sore spot too much. Laying on my right side meant laying ON the sore spot so that was kind of out too. I ended up flat on my back, which is not good, but that's all I could do for the time being.

When it started getting worse and worse, and never better...I finally decided to call my midwife. I had an appointment with her the night before, but everyting was fine so there was nothing to talk about then. I knew it could be kidney related, being on my right side...but that it could also be some pre-term back labor going on. She had Kevin push around to see if it was my kidneys, and it definitely hurt more when he did that so she said we need to head to the Dr. because if its an infection, we would need antibiotics from the Dr.

To the urgent care we go...after walking, sitting, crying in the waiting room for over an hour, I finally got back to see the Dr.

They said no infection but it could possibly be kidney stones just talking about it. He did some more poking and prodding, then said that stones wouldn't hurt from the outside but found that that muscle (remember the giant knot??) was pretty tight when I wasn't using it, and rock hard when I was. He finally said I probably pulled a muscle, which isn't hard to do when you're pregnant, and with the weight of the baby being positioned just so perfectly it was just making it that much worse.

He put me on loritab, told me to take it very easy and get a brace for my belly to keep it from pulling and maybe give my back a chance to heal. But he also said that it was possible that it wouldn't feel better until the baby was born.

So I missed work, and school for a couple of days because, as hard as I tried not to, I couldn't deal with that pain without the pain meds which meant I couldn't drive anywhere. And finally on Sunday, it felt better!!! I could walk normally again and didn't have to take any more of those pills! I got my belly brace, which makes me feel and look like an idiot but it's helping A LOT!

Now I just have to continue to take it easy so that it doesn't come back, because no thank you!

That turned into quite a long story, sorry about that. This is the most interesting thing that has happened during my pregnancy, which is a good thing, so I just had to report it!

Stay tuned for a picture of the giant baby belly!!!

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

One Love 2/6/45 - 5/11/81

Oh Bob...There are no words.





So much love in fact, that my second child will be named for you. The first, will be named for his father.

Your music inspires me in more ways than I can count.

Bad moods disappear.

I feel sad that your music stopped inpiring the world long before I came around, but I'm glad that it's here for me to enjoy now.

30 years ago today...You are missed.

Rest in Peace

Friday, April 29, 2011

What a difference a month makes!

Here I am.

In all my bellied glory.

(I don't think that's a word...)

Remember when there wasn't a volleyball under my shirt?

Remeber when, just 4 short weeks ago, I looked like this?

Quite a difference, huh?

That's because my boy is getting HUGE!!

And he's started this new game of pushing as far out front as he can. It gets heavy, and is definitely not the most comfortable thing ever.

But, I can deal :)

Some positives thus far...

*I have yet to find out what heartburn feels like

*I can still wear my one pair of non-maternity jeans

*My mid-wife says things are looking great in all areas!

*Me and R play games all day when I'm sitting at my desk, it makes me feel special :)

*The nursery is we wait for carpet

*Only 13 weeks left...eek!

Some not so positives, but still not so bad...

-He hurts me sometimes when he plays his new stick-out game

-Kevin's schedule has been a complete suck-fest lately, so I feel like he's missing stuff. Including my growing belly

-Hungry, full, hungry, full...its a viscious cycle

-I have had several dreams that "It's a boy!" until he is actually born and it turns out "It's a girl!" Very unsettling.

-Only 13 weeks left...eek!

I just can't wait to meet my little guy!

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Real Quick...

I just wanted to say that my new, very favorite thing in the whole world is watching my baby kick my belly.

Yes, I said watching.

On Sunday, I was sitting on the bed folding laundry and watching tv, I leaned back to give my back a rest for a second and just happened to look down right when a spot on my belly popped out for a split second.

Then it happened again, and again.

Now, I just catch myself staring at my belly for who knows how long, waiting to see it again.

I can't believe how unbelievably happy I am right now, looking down at this...

Thursday, March 31, 2011

23 Weeks

Here it all it's glory...the belly!

This is technically my 22 week picture, but I haven't posted in awhile so, I figured this would do.

Just so you know, it hasn't really changed.

Some Facts...for those who care...

How Far?: 23 Weeks, 17 Weeks to go

How Big is Baby?: An ear of corn apparently, 8.5 inches, 1.5 lbs.

Total Weight Gain or Loss: I'm not exactly positive, but I'm gonna say about 6 pounds.

Maternity Clothes: I'm now down to one pair of normal jeans that work with this belly, and only my camis and cardigans fit as far as non-maternity tops go. Everything else is from the mama section

Movement: He kicks me pretty much all day long, it just feels like tickles unless I'm laying down...then it's more punchy.

Kevin felt his first ouward kick about 2 weeks ago, and then again last night we were messing with him go get him to kick.

Symptoms: I only get sick if I haven't eaten in awhile, or if I'm eating something amazing and end up clearing my plate...and the table...

I feel non-stop exhausted, sleep does NOT help.

My lower back hurt anyway, now it hurts more...I can deal.

What I miss: Putting my own socks on. I don't wear socks that often, but we went to the REAL game on Saturday (yes, I finally saw my Becks, in the flesh!) and it was cold so I was going to wear socks...I had to have Kevin come in and do it for me because I couldn't reach :(

Sleeping through the night...example: I got up 3 times last night to pee

Cravings: Anything spicy, whether it hurts my tongue or not...I NEED SALSA!


Water, I cannot drink enough water

So, that's me and little R in a nutshell.

In other news, still baby related...because unfortunately (for some), that's all I feel the need to talk about...We got the crib and the dresser!

I just love them...they are still in boxes because we haven't painted yet....but this is them!

We are painting, then getting carpet, and then they can have a home. I'm just so excited!

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Carson MacKay Youd

Sister (FiNaLlY!!) had her baby! He was being stubborn and didn't want to come out of his momma apparently. She was due on February 22nd and nothing, nothing, nothing...

So she finally had to be induced yesterday. She got started at about 10 a.m. or so, and he was born at about 7 p.m. But we did find out why he wasn't coming out...he is a big boy!!

8 lbs 9oz
20 inches long.

Poor sister had quite a tear, but I think she's okay with it. I'm so proud of her!!! I love my sister so much and now I know what I have to look forward to!

Thank you for letting us be a part of it Kait!!!

Friday, February 11, 2011

It's a...

My cousin Tiffany works at an OB's office, and was able to get me in for an early ultrasound on my BIRTHDAY!! It took all of 2 seconds to see what the little guy was. I wish that I could have seen Kevin's face when it came up on the screen but he was sitting in a chair in front of me so I couldn't. He kept saying he didn't care, but I know he really wanted a boy first and he is pretty excited! We went to the mall right after to try to find some Atlanta Braves stuff for him, but they didn't have any.

Last night, Kevin really wanted to take a picture of my belly. Comparing this one, and the one down below at 14 weeks...I'm thinking I was having a fat day on the 14 week picture because I feel like I look a lot bigger in that one than this one, but this one looks more like a baby bump.

Here is a picture of his cute little face! He was so curled up in my belly and wouldn't show us his face, so the tech started "beating" my belly with the wand thing to get him to move and he flipped right over and gave us that amazing profile.
I am so in love!
We have picked out a name for him, but I'm gonna keep that quiet for a little bit. I'll put it out there when we get a little closer.
Just know that RKC is coming, and we can't wait!!!